The government as a service, not an entity

DSCLAIMER: This is a partisan-free zone...there will be talk of politics, but not of parties...

As our government continues into yet another stretch of partisan malarkey, bickering, and ineffectiveness, I am feeling a bit reflective about the true nature of government.

According to civics class and my closely held beliefs about such things, the government should be a service for the people.  It should act in the interest of citizens, allocating money and services to improve lives, keep people safe, and work towards the best interest of the collective good...and, to quote Wayne, “Monkeys will fly out of my butt.”  I think politicians and the unwieldy fourth branch of our government, namely the bureaucracy, have perverted that ideal for personal gain and bloat.  In fact, we call our government “The Government” as if it is an entity unto itself.  We have accepted the notion that it is self-serving, imposing, and a distinct force to be reckoned with.  

Shouldn’t we re-focus our governing to that which serves us, rather than itself?  Shouldn’t it be for the people more than by the people?  Shouldn’t we feel comfortable calling it “Our Government?”  I believe it this through these ideals where those who need help can get help and those who wish to be left alone can best be left alone.

Of course, government is a human enterprise and with with all such things it is wrought with the sins each of us battle daily: Greed, Sloth, Pride, Envy...among others.  However, as I am a humanist and an optimist, I see the potential for human virtue within OUR government: Honesty, Compassion, Logic, Fairness...among others.

Where I am defeated is in the sense of being defeated.  Repeated political rhetoric in media, fruitless vitriol from pundits, and pointless political statements from friends and family who can’t see beyond their own political parties feel insurmountable.  I have interest in expending energy as such vain pursuits.

But I remain hopeful.

Should we worry about death?

This is going to be short, though it really is a pretty deep topic...death.  At present, I am in the midst of a family time of pre-mourning.  We have a member who is in her last days of life after a long, love filled time on Earth.  This of course gets me thinking about the emotions surrounding death, with which I seem to have a bit too much experience.

So, how should we feel around death?  I feel sorrow, empathy, and fear of abandonment like any normal person, but I wonder if there is something I am missing.  I should feel a sense of relief and joy that the person who is dying is close to an end of pain and suffering, but then I get to the “what’s next?” question.  Is there something waiting for them after the last breath (which is never calm and easy in my experience) or is it a void of nothingness like Steven Hawkings suggests?  

I wonder if I should worry about damnation or nothingness?  What is more positive, the end of pain or the potential for eternal life?  Why is death the most emotionally quizzical time in anyone’s life?

As with my experiences and my current emotions, I have far more questions for you than answers...hopefully this abbreviated post helps explore these emotions outside of the end-of-life turmoil.  Best of luck to us all...

I hate being late

There is something intensely painful about being late.  Late to work, late coming home, late for a friend, all of it...every time I get a sick feeling the pit of my stomach like I have done some unspeakable ill to someone else.  However, I never real know who the someone else is...I just feel guilty and upset.

Of course, you probably know where this story is going: I am late all the time.  For the past 6 months I have had to back up my alarm so I am not so late to work.  I am never the first one to a meeting and often the last person to show up to a social event.  I can claim it is genetic (like my poor sense of direction) or that it is habitual (since I have been doing it for so many years), but really it is just a continuous problem that I should be able to overcome.

I can claim that my lateness has a distinct feature others may not enjoy: hypocrisy.  Though I am often late to others meetings and gatherings, I really dislike it when others are late on me.  It irks me, bugs me, downright pisses me off when my time is not valued.  I feel disrespected and dismissed, both of which strike me at my moral core.  Don’t waste my time...

...now if I just didn’t do that other people.  I wonder sometimes if they are able to exercise a level of equanimity and patience with my tardiness that I seem unable to summon.  Regardless, I should be more respectful of them and their time.

Now, if someone doesn’t show up at all, without a call or an email,  OMG that is some f-in BS!  Don’t get me started...  :)

(As you can tell, this post was written as I was waiting for someone to show up to our meeting that I have rescheduled 3 times, she is over 30 minutes late, and hasn’t even called....breathe...breathe...breathe.)

How do you stop feeling lazy

I work a lot, but it seems to come in waves.  Right now, I am in a down crest.  I have a few things to do, but not as many as normal and I just don’t have motivation to do what needs to get done.  As a result, I just feel lazy.  It’s not as though my I don’t do anything, I just can’t seem to get over the hump to being productive.  Part of me wants to know how to fix that during down cycles, but most of me wants to know how to remove this sense of guilt of being lazy.  I truly believe I do enough to be a good employee and I shouldn’t feel guilty for these short periods of lower productivity, but alas I do.  I guess being lazy, feeling like a lazy person, and working through it is something I need to work on...if I find the energy.

Issue with unethical behavior

I am struggling with a fundamental question: how should I deal with unethical behavior?

Now, let me preface this by giving a bit of background information (though not too much as is my style).  I was recently the victim of unethical actions by my direct supervisor and, as numerous such situations do, involved money.  My supervisor twice promised me sums of money based on work I had done, then reneged on those promises without prior notice or explanation.  Of course, I made the mistake of not documenting these promises beyond my meeting notes.

In throes of these two parallel unethical situations, I find myself questioning actions I should take.  At the heart of all this is my fundamental disgust of immoral and unethical behavior juxtaposed with my sense of consequence.  I have several options in front of me: report to my supervisor’s superiors, talk to a lawyer, inform peers, write a letter of complaint to him and my HR department, amongst other things.  However, within nearly all of these is the inherent risk of damaging my future career potential by alienating a supervisor who will be on my employment applications for years to come.  Moreover, any petty attempts on my part to thwart the work I do would have direct consequences on my peers and clients, all of I which I have firm loyalty to.  I don’t think it would be fair to punish him for their actions merely because I have to deal with him wronging me.

But I keep coming back to being wronged.  I have been wronged in a bad way: by someone deliberately unethical and cowardly.  My respect for this person has plummeted and my desire to work with this person is diminished beyond repair.  This challenges my fundamental beliefs, my principles, and my values of fairness, honesty, and the indelible need of leaders to leader.

As you can see this is a fundamental internal struggle.  I have begun to talk to mentors, friends, and family members about it, but I will say none of them have satisfactory answers.  Interestingly, their answers are revealing more about them as people than this situation.  Some of them say turn the other cheek, others have laughed it off, some have said quit, others have said sabotage...and of course their are the rational people who said rest, think, and plan.

I am not sure this post has any real purpose for the reader beyond investigating fundamental ethical struggles in their own lives as I notice my writing here has turned into an exercise in catharsis more than a description of a problem or a seeking of answers.  I wonder how you would handle something like, or how you have handled things like this.  Do you side one way or the other?  Do you believe there is a safe middle ground that protects my ethics and my career...one where I can sleep at night and have a roof under which I can sleep (of course this is not a situation that is that dramatic.)

I guess I feel morally relativistic right now and that is something I don’t want.  My plans for career and professional growth are ones that focus on leadership, integrity, and clear, logical thought and I find myself struggling to reach those points in this instance.

Time to breath...thanks for listening.

Am I a good human being?

I have been thinking a bit about what is the measure of a good human being.  I am thinking about personality, morality, ethics, actions, reactions, and intentions.  And through all this I don’t know if I can call myself a good human being.  But, I won’t call myself a bad human being because I know I am not.

As I examine myself, I see someone who tries to be good.  I am someone who consciously seeks to do things that are right, just, and selfless.  But then is that the definition of good?  And as I see this and think about it, I notice that I am someone who intends to partake in actions and thoughts that are positive, but it doesn’t always happen.  Is this a personal fault or a fundamental human struggle?

If it is a personal fault, then there is area for improvement.  There are ways in which I can be a better person, ways that will move me closer to being a good human being.  I do know this to be true.  As a self-reflective (and a somewhat highly self-critical) person, I can tell you most of those area that need improvement.  My quickness to judge, my poor reactions, my times of moral or ethical weakness, and of course my relative cowardice to stand up to things I feel are wrong, but are just too much work or too laden with judgment and conflict to vehemently oppose.  And I do work to improve those areas, to make myself better, but the road is long and constant and never-ending.

Which makes me think there are some fundamental human struggles that we must all undertake as part of our journey through.  Most people, I suppose, wrestle with moral dilemmas and questions of faith in what is right and wrong all the time.  But how do others engage in those internal battles?  Are their struggles manifested externally like my own?  And of course there is the existential question of “why?”  What purpose is there in constant struggle to be a better person?  Perhaps it is to make you a better a person.  As Frederick Douglass said, “Without struggle, there is no progress.”  Yet, I question what end this means is moving towards.

Regardless of these fundamental questions, I must say that I am working and making daily progress towards being a good human being.  I believe a large number of my peers and friends are better at this than I am, but I doing alright.

I do know that if the Hindus are right and we keep returning to Earth until we get it “right,” I have at least one more trip ahead of me.  So now it’s my job to improve as much as I can while I have the opportunity of this life to live.

The crime that is pet fashion

I like dogs.  I like cats.  Rabbits are ok.  Rodents are nice when they are domesticated and not spreading disease (or living in my garage).  And fish are bit boring, but pretty.

What I do not advocate is pet fashion.  Dogs and cats do not need to be dressed up in outfits or costumes.  Let’s give them a bit more dignity folks.

This will probably be the only time I publicly agree with Jay Leno.

Sorry for the short post...more interesting fair to come.

Moving sucks

I don’t remember if I mentioned that I am moving...if I haven’t, now I am.  I’m moving...and I am not looking forward to the process.

I don’t like packing.  Packing involves sorting and choosing and cleaning and putting into boxes.  Then there is moving and stacking and storing of those boxes.

I don’t like cleaning.  Cleaning involves sweeping and painting and wiping and mopping and spic and span.  

I don’t like the actual moving.  Put boxes here, putting furniture there, finding a storage location.

I don’t like unpacking.  After all is said and done you have to undo the whole process.

The only thing I like is the getting rid of.  There is something cleansing or cathartic about getting rid of stuff that clutters your space and your emotions.  Clearly living is clearer thinking...but even that takes a bunch of work.

I don’t like moving.

I have (limited) control over my dreams

Do you have control over your dreams or are you just a hapless spectator?  From what I understand from my friends, they are often just spectators with a first person view (as in a first person shooter type of thing), but the events of the dream are uncontrollable by them.

I am not tethered to same constraints...well, not to the same degree.  I have the ability to guide my dreams when I am in the middle of them.  For instance, if I am walking down a street and I think it would be interesting if a house were to show up on the left, there will be a house on the left.  It won’t be as if it appears out of nowhere, but rather that it was there the whole time and I had just then noticed it.  If I am truly deep in a dream and have been a part of it for a while, I recognize this connection and can use it to my advantage to alter the timeline of the dream.  I can make objects or events appear in the dream to make it more interesting or veer in the direction I want it to go.

Is this some sort of abnormal connection between my conscious and unconscious mind?  I often wonder this.

Sometimes, I suffer from deja vu. Now, I know that many people experience this on a regular basis, but I think my experiences are a bit different.  Mine are very real and totally mundane.  When I have deja vu I can remember back to dream I had in which the people, place, and events all line up.  Yet, since I don’t remember most of my dreams after I have them, there is little I can do ahead of time.  Nevertheless, these incidents are very vivid and strong to the point where, in the moment, I can predict what someone is going to say or do because of the dream I had and the deja vu I am experiencing.  Want to know the strangest piece?  The strength and intensity of these incidents is directly related to the amount of sleep I have had the night before.  I will get very strong incidents of deja vu on days following low sleep nights.  If I have to stay up late or sleep poorly where I am really tired I will most likely have one of these incidents.

Again, I tie back to that potential abnormal connection between my conscious and unconscious mind.

This leads me to wonder the connection of the subconscious mind to a great time continuum.  If my deja vu are that strong then my subconscious mind must know something or be privy to a stream of thought and events that I cannot perceive consciously.  This makes me believe that there is an even greater inconnectedness between all of us than I think we understand.  I am not talking about religious connection, but rather a metaphysical connection between the events, thoughts, people, and places in our lives.

Part of me wishes I understood more and, better yet, could control more.  However, these are things that perhaps I am just to experience and not influence.  And while many people may be further intrigued by these connections and possibilities, I am content just letting them be for the time being.  Maybe at some point in the future I will explore them further through some sort of Eastern philosophical exploration of mind and energy.  But for now I’ll just bask in the occasional feeling of knowing what is coming next. I mean, my deja vus and dreams are never of anything very interesting after all...it’s not like they giving insight into the next lottery numbers.

Do you ever feel guilty about money?

Money is one of those things that is so powerful that I don’t think anyone can really get a grip on it.  We could talk about the macroeconomic scale where money influences the course of history, politics, and culture more than any other force on Earth.  Or we could talk in a more local setting, where you relative social worth (in the eyes of many people) is tied to a) how much money you make, b) how much money you have, or c) how you much money you present yourself as having.

I feel guilty or queasy about money when I have to deal my lack of it or asking for it.  Seemingly every month during bill time, I have a minor ulcer of worry as I see the funds from my bank account (which look like a nice safety net) dwindle away as I meet my obligations to creditors and utilities.  I worry about catastrophe, about not having enough to make the next round of bill payments, or, even worse, not having enough money when I get past the working age.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t live paycheck to paycheck in reality, only in emotion.  I have enough socked away for rainy days or gray-haired retirement, but that flux of money still takes on the rollercoaster plunge of stomach discomfort.  And I don’t seem to have any remedy to stop it.

Even when I make more money, through a raise or a tax rebate or whatever, I maintain that level of guilt and agony.  In fact, the act of getting to that point of making more money is just as horrible.  I recently asked for and received a raise and some financial relieve from my employer.  Yet, it was not equitable based on the policies of the company or the agreements we had made.  Now, to my employer’s credit, he has been making things right piece by piece.  Yet, every time I broach the subject of “this is what’s fair” or “we talked about this amount” I feel the sharp tug of guilt and anger.  I just don’t feel like I should be asking for this, whether I deserve it or not.

Maybe this is something that will get easier as I move up the career ladder and my financial rewards are more regimented or in the hands of a broader group of people instead of a single boss.  Maybe I will be able to divorce my wayward and unpredictable emotions from my stalwart and well-honed objective look at what is right and wrong.  Maybe.

By the way, can I borrow a twenty?  On second thought, lending and borrowing money is even worse than asking for it...

Listening vs. reading

Lately, I have been pressed for time.  Well, let me be clear, I have always been short on time and though it looks like I am busy I am actually quite inefficient.  But that is beside the point...I have been short on time.  And as a result of my time shortage some things have fall off by the wayside.  The most notable being my book reading time.

Well, to improve my time usage, and due to the fact that I enjoy books quite a bit, I have started getting into books on tape.  Every day on my to and from work (or whenever I am in the car, really) I am listening to something, be it a novel, historical work, or some other non-fiction.  I am finding the same level of engagement and appeal as I do with real books, but I wonder if the cognitive effects are as beneficial.

My dad always used to say that books were better than movies because your mind had to fill in the gaps not seen, heard, felt, smelled, or tasted in the book.  You have to connect the dots, clothe the characters, and set the stage.  It was your world to create.  Additionally, I believe there is a cognitive exercise that happens when you decode text into those messages you take in to guide the construction of your little world.

What I wonder now is if I am getting the same benefit from listening to text.  I realize the pace is slower, but I am still engaged and visualizing and internalizing.  However, the reader’s tone, speech-patterns, character voices, and pacing all influence my experience with the work.  As a result, I am less of an active participant.  On the flip side, my engagement in the text goes up.  I find my mind wandering less, which requires me to re-read (or re-listen in this case) less than I do with printed text.

If pressed, I would say the mental exercise of decoding words is more valuable to me as thinker, but the act of listening to books is still cognitively valuable...and definitely still entertaining, which is what it’s all about, right?

Love is the hardest thing...and the easiest

Love is one of those things that I both have to work at and comes natural.  When I am with someone I love I have to put in quite a bit of effort to make sure my feelings are known for the other person, temper my own emotions, and be open.  Yet, sitting on a couch, sharing a bed, giving a hug, or saying those things that need to be said seems to be the most natural and easy thing in the world.  Quite an amazingly rewarding experience, regardless of how hard or easy it may be.

A fresh definition of being old

I think I have a new definition of being old: when you just stop trying to learn new things.  I remember my grandmother had white hair and a slight frame, but the physical elements of her being didn’t convey her age nearly as much as her attitudes towards the newness of life.  

This may all read as some youthful, idealistic, rosy-colored view of life, but I hope not.  I know several seasoned individuals that take opportunities to learn new skills, engage in fresh adventures (however risk-laden or not they are), and maintained a steady hunger for knowledge.  I guess I see “old” as being a loss of that curiosity and desire.

Where I see this most evident is with computers.  When I think “old” I think of people who stay away from computing or blame computers for the ills of our society with little experience or knowledge of their capabilities.  Yet, what concerns me most is the inability to recognize that prejudice.  And as with everything else I seem to learn about this ordinary life I ask myself how I will overcome this potential pitfall.

I wonder if I will maintain my open-mindedness and my constant level of inquisitivity. I would like to think that the complexities of technology, social interactions, and politics will be engaging even as my body continues to deteriorate.  And I would hope I am able to recognize, or be surrounded by people who will recognize for me, when those sparks begin to fade, so I can do something about it or slow the progression.

Although, I do know that at some point we all have to get old...and “old.”

Motherhood through an iPod

I just went for some errands and I saw a mother and child in the mall.  The child was probably 5 or 6 years old, seemingly well adjusted, and relatively happy.  Mom on the other hand spent her entire time with earbuds in her ears and your ipod playing.  What a strange scene.  They moved through the mall in tandem as any mother and daughter would, but at no point did they talk, interact or even have eye contact.  This is troubling to me.

To mentor or to not mentor, that is the question

I am about to move onto a new job.  This involves some pretty major movement, both physically and professionally.  Up to this point in my career, I have done a lot of work to build my resume, build my skillset, and learn whatever I could, but it has all been me.

Over the past year, I have reached a couple major professional milestones and I have begun to make a shift toward gaining more from others than from outside sources.  For the first time, I have had a professional mentor...but I haven’t got a much from it as I have wanted.  The advice I have received has reinforced the efforts I have made over the past few years, but beyond that our conversations have been flat.  I wonder how much of this has been my arrogance built from the work I have done or other things...and that worries me.  

A mentor is someone with whom you can be honest, someone who helps you grow, and someone you use to challenge yourself.  But as with any relationship, it is bidirectional.  I have to have expectations of the mentor and as a mentee I need to seek out those challenges.  Knowing this, how do I take advantage of future mentorships?  Or do I even jump into a new mentorship in my new job?

In reflecting on this, I think I have to seek out a new mentor when I move on. If I want to grow as a person, I have to challenge myself to get the most of these relationships.  Also, if I have any desire to be a good mentor myself one day, I need to spend time as a good mentee.  Beyond this, there is little left I can do for professional growth without guidance and pressure than I cannot provide myself.

Are all relationships supposed to be this difficult?

I feel the world

As I am sitting here writing this, I am engaged in my favorite sport: people watching.  Go to any mall and just sit and watch.  People moving about is the most entertaining thing out there. I really have no idea because rarely do any of them do, say, or appear to be anything extraordinary, yet they are enthralling.

Right now, I am watching a couple, well presumably a couple, having a jovial and engage conversation entirely in sign language.  And as with most sign language conversations the participates faces and bodies are extremely expressive.  From what I can see, they are agreeing a lot about a very spirited topic.

This gets me thinking about how I interact and perceive the world.  I think about this couple getting married and the officiant delivering instructions and vows without a note of sound. Mtgs entire audience silent in respect to the experience these two were having.  That seems difficult to me.

I realize that the way I interact with the world is through feeling, emotional and perceptive feeling that is.  I use all of my senses all of the time to assess and experience the world around me.  Without the sound of bustling and talking, I wouldn't be able to full take in the joys of life, especially during my favorite sort of people watching.

This is not to say that the deaf or blind or mute have any less or more of an emotional experience of life, just that I know for me sound, sight, taste, touch, and smell all work in concert to define my interaction with reality and by extension my definition of self.

I want to be inspired.

The trouble with an ordinary life is just that...it is ordinary.  I want to be inspired to break free of the ordinary to do something special.  It needn’t be a single thing or something spectacular, just something different and new.  That’s the problem with the ordinary.  While it can predictable and honest and true, it can also be boring and stagnant.  Though I do live an ordinary life, the stagnation frustrates me from time to time.

So, where do I find inspiration?  I have looked to friends, to media, to news, and to books.  And they all have some degree of inspiration, but that degree is not fulfilling.  When I look at friends’ endeavors I see something to aspire to, that is to say I know I want to do something out of the ordinary.  I just don’t know what.  When I look at media or the news, I know I want to be a broader citizen of our society, experiencing things that are foreign to me, be they culture, food, the arts, or, you know, whatever.  Similarly with books.  Books have inspired me to write something and to construct some vision of something, but again, I don’t know what.

This leads me to my need for inspiration.  And please don’t read this as a call to others to provide inspiration for me.  That removes all responsibility for my life from me.  I need to go find inspiration.  I need to seek out new endeavors, challenges, and adventures.  Of course, in seeking out those inspirations I will be doing exactly what I hope to be inspired to do...it is a vicious cycle.

Perhaps I will take a walk, go for a jog, read a new book...or maybe just take a shower.  The personal pensive time may guide in the right direction.  I will just need to push to make sure I am fully pursuing that which I hope to accomplish.

You see, in my ordinary life I struggle with mundane and with laziness.  I constantly feel like I am not using my time well, which make me feel guilty and unfulfilled.  What is most surprising is that I am somewhat accomplished in my life.  My ordinary life has a couple of highlights thus far that not a ton of people could claim to own.  But I still feel those desires for something more, something of value.  

The ideas that run through my head are vast, and if done all together would result in a lot of personal, emotional, and professional failure.  So, I need to pick one or two and run with them...again, I just need the inspiration to take what the Chinese call the first step on a 1000 mile journey.  How do I do that?

Why is it so natural to avoid conflict?

Call me passive-aggressive...call me a coward...call me a safety person, but I notice that many of us avoid conflict whenever possible.  Is there some sort of natural desire to keep the apple cart from flipping over or a sense that negative emotions or turmoil are bad?  Or is it just me?

I suffer from a need to feel good.  I know, it’s an addiction and I should get it checked out.  But when I am faced with conflict, well, rather, confrontation, I tend to activate my flight or fight instincts that draw me away from my normally calm and pensive approach to relationships and problem-solving.  I find this need to defend myself or avoid a interaction because I know there will be emotional hurdles I will have to deal with...and I think that is common.

I have worked for two bosses in my working life that were conflict avoiders.  They did not approach issues with vim and vigor, but rather avoidance and deflection.  Yet, they were both beloved by employees and customers alike.  Is this a model I should use?  My gut tells me know.

I think the best thing to do is encourage dynamic tension, embrace productive conflict, and approach confrontation with equanimity and open-mindedness, all the while coming from a place of integrity.  So, how do you do that?

I think TV is ruining me for movies

I have been an avid fan of movies my whole life.  Growing up I could relate large events in my life to what movie had watched that day or in subsequent days.  I related movies to friends, times of joy, and days of deep sorrow.  I can quote more lines from movies that any human should (note the conflicting sense of pride and embarrassment).

Yet, recently my movie watching has become somewhat of a chore.  Last night, I finished a movie that is nominated for a couple of Oscars...this was my fourth attempt to finish the movie.  Previously, I had watched a little here and continued it on and on, hoping to get through it, but I just didn’t have it in.  Now, I could claim busyness or some other lack of time excuse, but the reality I don’t have those.  My media time is quite ample for any growing boy (including the ones that should not be growing anymore, such as myself).  Interestingly, I can still go to a movie theater and make it all the way through.

I blame a bit of it on my attention span.  I just don’t have the ability to commit to a single story line or a single medium for that amount of time, while at home.  When the story lulls or I just don’t feel into it, I have an overwhelming need to break out the laptop or turn the channel.  Worst off, I feel guilty if I am not giving my 100% attention to the visuals and the dialogue as I feel like I am missing out or not doing a service to the moviemaking enterprise.

In reflection, I realize that the issue is actually the quality of short subject media available online and on TV.  TV shows have raised the bar of plot, character development, production value, and the art of storytelling.  Moreover, they are limited by the bounds of 120 minutes of film.  How do you really develop a character, a relationship, or a detailed storyline when each actor only gets a few dozen pages of dialogue.  TV has really stretched the limits and made moviemaking stories seem almost pedestrian.  

Look at Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and of course, Lost.  The beauty of these shows (and the countless others) is that they draw upon the intellectual and creative resources to churn out television that is consistently engaging without the shackles of that horrible moviemaking anchor: resolution.  These shows can keep digging deeper, spend more time on the mythology, and produce situations that have no clear or distinct endpoint.  It really is a reflection on real life, where we as ordinary people have little in the way of closure or resolution, just endless chapters on continuing novel.  Even death, being so abrupt, doesn’t give us a neat clean ending found in your average movie plotline.

So, what to do?  Well, I am still committed to see the major movies nominated for Oscars, the big tentpoles during the summer, and the occasional art house flick that draws my attention.  But, I will tell you, my TiVo and my laptop win out when I have to choose a form of entertainment that is will be consistently engaging and accessible in a finite amount of time.

I am a snarky facebooker

I’m addicted to Facebook.  I know I am not alone, but I also know there is no good reason for this.  As I have used facebook for the past few years, I have noticed there is very little content of value posted on the site.  Most folks give you information about their day, the video games they are playing, or some picture of a family member or friend you have not nor ever will meet.  And I guess I have taken the stance that I don’t want to be one of those posters.  

As a result, I have become a snarky facebooker.  I post quips or comments or lines from movies that I personally find funny or interesting.  And while I don’t find much value in the content of other folks postings, I seem to need validation from them on my posts.  I gauge the quality of my snarky-ness on the number of comments and likes I receive.  Why do I care?  No idea.

I do enjoy being a bit cryptic in my posting as I look for snarky statements to make.  I’ll make reference to small part of my life or something I read online, without taking a strong stand or giving a deep opinion on it.  This often results in some strange, questioning comments, which of course I do very little to clarify.  I guess I like the idea of having an inside secret or a shared experience with some friends.

Maybe I am not a full participant in the social-network movement.  Oh well...I mean how many more pictures of people’s dinner or posts about bowel movements do we really need?  I rather read something interesting, funny, and a bit mysterious.

And we're back!

OK, so it has been nearly a year and half since I posted on this tiny blog.  Life has happened in that time...changes to my world, my prospects, my, well, everything...so why not take up this blog (for real this time) and see what come out of my stream of consciousness.

Again, I have preface this newest iteration of these ruminations as just that: ruminations.  This blog is intended as one person’s thoughts and commentary on ordinary, however banal, glib, or unoriginal it may be (though let’s hope not.. :)).  And as I said before, I hope this blog promotes some sort of thematic or intellectual growth in me as the writer, but who really knows. Lastly, I have to say that who I am really is unimportant in this endeavor as I hope the content stands on its own (or falls on its own as it may be.)  The only things that you should about me is that a) I am male, b) I am relatively young, and c) I am American.

Enjoy.