Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why is it so natural to avoid conflict?

Call me passive-aggressive...call me a coward...call me a safety person, but I notice that many of us avoid conflict whenever possible.  Is there some sort of natural desire to keep the apple cart from flipping over or a sense that negative emotions or turmoil are bad?  Or is it just me?

I suffer from a need to feel good.  I know, it’s an addiction and I should get it checked out.  But when I am faced with conflict, well, rather, confrontation, I tend to activate my flight or fight instincts that draw me away from my normally calm and pensive approach to relationships and problem-solving.  I find this need to defend myself or avoid a interaction because I know there will be emotional hurdles I will have to deal with...and I think that is common.

I have worked for two bosses in my working life that were conflict avoiders.  They did not approach issues with vim and vigor, but rather avoidance and deflection.  Yet, they were both beloved by employees and customers alike.  Is this a model I should use?  My gut tells me know.

I think the best thing to do is encourage dynamic tension, embrace productive conflict, and approach confrontation with equanimity and open-mindedness, all the while coming from a place of integrity.  So, how do you do that?

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