As I am sitting here writing this, I am engaged in my favorite sport: people watching. Go to any mall and just sit and watch. People moving about is the most entertaining thing out there. I really have no idea because rarely do any of them do, say, or appear to be anything extraordinary, yet they are enthralling.
Right now, I am watching a couple, well presumably a couple, having a jovial and engage conversation entirely in sign language. And as with most sign language conversations the participates faces and bodies are extremely expressive. From what I can see, they are agreeing a lot about a very spirited topic.
This gets me thinking about how I interact and perceive the world. I think about this couple getting married and the officiant delivering instructions and vows without a note of sound. Mtgs entire audience silent in respect to the experience these two were having. That seems difficult to me.
I realize that the way I interact with the world is through feeling, emotional and perceptive feeling that is. I use all of my senses all of the time to assess and experience the world around me. Without the sound of bustling and talking, I wouldn't be able to full take in the joys of life, especially during my favorite sort of people watching.
This is not to say that the deaf or blind or mute have any less or more of an emotional experience of life, just that I know for me sound, sight, taste, touch, and smell all work in concert to define my interaction with reality and by extension my definition of self.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
I want to be inspired.
The trouble with an ordinary life is just that...it is ordinary. I want to be inspired to break free of the ordinary to do something special. It needn’t be a single thing or something spectacular, just something different and new. That’s the problem with the ordinary. While it can predictable and honest and true, it can also be boring and stagnant. Though I do live an ordinary life, the stagnation frustrates me from time to time.
So, where do I find inspiration? I have looked to friends, to media, to news, and to books. And they all have some degree of inspiration, but that degree is not fulfilling. When I look at friends’ endeavors I see something to aspire to, that is to say I know I want to do something out of the ordinary. I just don’t know what. When I look at media or the news, I know I want to be a broader citizen of our society, experiencing things that are foreign to me, be they culture, food, the arts, or, you know, whatever. Similarly with books. Books have inspired me to write something and to construct some vision of something, but again, I don’t know what.
This leads me to my need for inspiration. And please don’t read this as a call to others to provide inspiration for me. That removes all responsibility for my life from me. I need to go find inspiration. I need to seek out new endeavors, challenges, and adventures. Of course, in seeking out those inspirations I will be doing exactly what I hope to be inspired to do...it is a vicious cycle.
Perhaps I will take a walk, go for a jog, read a new book...or maybe just take a shower. The personal pensive time may guide in the right direction. I will just need to push to make sure I am fully pursuing that which I hope to accomplish.
You see, in my ordinary life I struggle with mundane and with laziness. I constantly feel like I am not using my time well, which make me feel guilty and unfulfilled. What is most surprising is that I am somewhat accomplished in my life. My ordinary life has a couple of highlights thus far that not a ton of people could claim to own. But I still feel those desires for something more, something of value.
The ideas that run through my head are vast, and if done all together would result in a lot of personal, emotional, and professional failure. So, I need to pick one or two and run with them...again, I just need the inspiration to take what the Chinese call the first step on a 1000 mile journey. How do I do that?
So, where do I find inspiration? I have looked to friends, to media, to news, and to books. And they all have some degree of inspiration, but that degree is not fulfilling. When I look at friends’ endeavors I see something to aspire to, that is to say I know I want to do something out of the ordinary. I just don’t know what. When I look at media or the news, I know I want to be a broader citizen of our society, experiencing things that are foreign to me, be they culture, food, the arts, or, you know, whatever. Similarly with books. Books have inspired me to write something and to construct some vision of something, but again, I don’t know what.
This leads me to my need for inspiration. And please don’t read this as a call to others to provide inspiration for me. That removes all responsibility for my life from me. I need to go find inspiration. I need to seek out new endeavors, challenges, and adventures. Of course, in seeking out those inspirations I will be doing exactly what I hope to be inspired to do...it is a vicious cycle.
Perhaps I will take a walk, go for a jog, read a new book...or maybe just take a shower. The personal pensive time may guide in the right direction. I will just need to push to make sure I am fully pursuing that which I hope to accomplish.
You see, in my ordinary life I struggle with mundane and with laziness. I constantly feel like I am not using my time well, which make me feel guilty and unfulfilled. What is most surprising is that I am somewhat accomplished in my life. My ordinary life has a couple of highlights thus far that not a ton of people could claim to own. But I still feel those desires for something more, something of value.
The ideas that run through my head are vast, and if done all together would result in a lot of personal, emotional, and professional failure. So, I need to pick one or two and run with them...again, I just need the inspiration to take what the Chinese call the first step on a 1000 mile journey. How do I do that?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Why is it so natural to avoid conflict?
Call me passive-aggressive...call me a coward...call me a safety person, but I notice that many of us avoid conflict whenever possible. Is there some sort of natural desire to keep the apple cart from flipping over or a sense that negative emotions or turmoil are bad? Or is it just me?
I suffer from a need to feel good. I know, it’s an addiction and I should get it checked out. But when I am faced with conflict, well, rather, confrontation, I tend to activate my flight or fight instincts that draw me away from my normally calm and pensive approach to relationships and problem-solving. I find this need to defend myself or avoid a interaction because I know there will be emotional hurdles I will have to deal with...and I think that is common.
I have worked for two bosses in my working life that were conflict avoiders. They did not approach issues with vim and vigor, but rather avoidance and deflection. Yet, they were both beloved by employees and customers alike. Is this a model I should use? My gut tells me know.
I think the best thing to do is encourage dynamic tension, embrace productive conflict, and approach confrontation with equanimity and open-mindedness, all the while coming from a place of integrity. So, how do you do that?
I suffer from a need to feel good. I know, it’s an addiction and I should get it checked out. But when I am faced with conflict, well, rather, confrontation, I tend to activate my flight or fight instincts that draw me away from my normally calm and pensive approach to relationships and problem-solving. I find this need to defend myself or avoid a interaction because I know there will be emotional hurdles I will have to deal with...and I think that is common.
I have worked for two bosses in my working life that were conflict avoiders. They did not approach issues with vim and vigor, but rather avoidance and deflection. Yet, they were both beloved by employees and customers alike. Is this a model I should use? My gut tells me know.
I think the best thing to do is encourage dynamic tension, embrace productive conflict, and approach confrontation with equanimity and open-mindedness, all the while coming from a place of integrity. So, how do you do that?
Monday, February 14, 2011
I think TV is ruining me for movies
I have been an avid fan of movies my whole life. Growing up I could relate large events in my life to what movie had watched that day or in subsequent days. I related movies to friends, times of joy, and days of deep sorrow. I can quote more lines from movies that any human should (note the conflicting sense of pride and embarrassment).
Yet, recently my movie watching has become somewhat of a chore. Last night, I finished a movie that is nominated for a couple of Oscars...this was my fourth attempt to finish the movie. Previously, I had watched a little here and continued it on and on, hoping to get through it, but I just didn’t have it in. Now, I could claim busyness or some other lack of time excuse, but the reality I don’t have those. My media time is quite ample for any growing boy (including the ones that should not be growing anymore, such as myself). Interestingly, I can still go to a movie theater and make it all the way through.
I blame a bit of it on my attention span. I just don’t have the ability to commit to a single story line or a single medium for that amount of time, while at home. When the story lulls or I just don’t feel into it, I have an overwhelming need to break out the laptop or turn the channel. Worst off, I feel guilty if I am not giving my 100% attention to the visuals and the dialogue as I feel like I am missing out or not doing a service to the moviemaking enterprise.
In reflection, I realize that the issue is actually the quality of short subject media available online and on TV. TV shows have raised the bar of plot, character development, production value, and the art of storytelling. Moreover, they are limited by the bounds of 120 minutes of film. How do you really develop a character, a relationship, or a detailed storyline when each actor only gets a few dozen pages of dialogue. TV has really stretched the limits and made moviemaking stories seem almost pedestrian.
Look at Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and of course, Lost. The beauty of these shows (and the countless others) is that they draw upon the intellectual and creative resources to churn out television that is consistently engaging without the shackles of that horrible moviemaking anchor: resolution. These shows can keep digging deeper, spend more time on the mythology, and produce situations that have no clear or distinct endpoint. It really is a reflection on real life, where we as ordinary people have little in the way of closure or resolution, just endless chapters on continuing novel. Even death, being so abrupt, doesn’t give us a neat clean ending found in your average movie plotline.
So, what to do? Well, I am still committed to see the major movies nominated for Oscars, the big tentpoles during the summer, and the occasional art house flick that draws my attention. But, I will tell you, my TiVo and my laptop win out when I have to choose a form of entertainment that is will be consistently engaging and accessible in a finite amount of time.
Yet, recently my movie watching has become somewhat of a chore. Last night, I finished a movie that is nominated for a couple of Oscars...this was my fourth attempt to finish the movie. Previously, I had watched a little here and continued it on and on, hoping to get through it, but I just didn’t have it in. Now, I could claim busyness or some other lack of time excuse, but the reality I don’t have those. My media time is quite ample for any growing boy (including the ones that should not be growing anymore, such as myself). Interestingly, I can still go to a movie theater and make it all the way through.
I blame a bit of it on my attention span. I just don’t have the ability to commit to a single story line or a single medium for that amount of time, while at home. When the story lulls or I just don’t feel into it, I have an overwhelming need to break out the laptop or turn the channel. Worst off, I feel guilty if I am not giving my 100% attention to the visuals and the dialogue as I feel like I am missing out or not doing a service to the moviemaking enterprise.
In reflection, I realize that the issue is actually the quality of short subject media available online and on TV. TV shows have raised the bar of plot, character development, production value, and the art of storytelling. Moreover, they are limited by the bounds of 120 minutes of film. How do you really develop a character, a relationship, or a detailed storyline when each actor only gets a few dozen pages of dialogue. TV has really stretched the limits and made moviemaking stories seem almost pedestrian.
Look at Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and of course, Lost. The beauty of these shows (and the countless others) is that they draw upon the intellectual and creative resources to churn out television that is consistently engaging without the shackles of that horrible moviemaking anchor: resolution. These shows can keep digging deeper, spend more time on the mythology, and produce situations that have no clear or distinct endpoint. It really is a reflection on real life, where we as ordinary people have little in the way of closure or resolution, just endless chapters on continuing novel. Even death, being so abrupt, doesn’t give us a neat clean ending found in your average movie plotline.
So, what to do? Well, I am still committed to see the major movies nominated for Oscars, the big tentpoles during the summer, and the occasional art house flick that draws my attention. But, I will tell you, my TiVo and my laptop win out when I have to choose a form of entertainment that is will be consistently engaging and accessible in a finite amount of time.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I am a snarky facebooker
I’m addicted to Facebook. I know I am not alone, but I also know there is no good reason for this. As I have used facebook for the past few years, I have noticed there is very little content of value posted on the site. Most folks give you information about their day, the video games they are playing, or some picture of a family member or friend you have not nor ever will meet. And I guess I have taken the stance that I don’t want to be one of those posters.
As a result, I have become a snarky facebooker. I post quips or comments or lines from movies that I personally find funny or interesting. And while I don’t find much value in the content of other folks postings, I seem to need validation from them on my posts. I gauge the quality of my snarky-ness on the number of comments and likes I receive. Why do I care? No idea.
I do enjoy being a bit cryptic in my posting as I look for snarky statements to make. I’ll make reference to small part of my life or something I read online, without taking a strong stand or giving a deep opinion on it. This often results in some strange, questioning comments, which of course I do very little to clarify. I guess I like the idea of having an inside secret or a shared experience with some friends.
Maybe I am not a full participant in the social-network movement. Oh well...I mean how many more pictures of people’s dinner or posts about bowel movements do we really need? I rather read something interesting, funny, and a bit mysterious.
As a result, I have become a snarky facebooker. I post quips or comments or lines from movies that I personally find funny or interesting. And while I don’t find much value in the content of other folks postings, I seem to need validation from them on my posts. I gauge the quality of my snarky-ness on the number of comments and likes I receive. Why do I care? No idea.
I do enjoy being a bit cryptic in my posting as I look for snarky statements to make. I’ll make reference to small part of my life or something I read online, without taking a strong stand or giving a deep opinion on it. This often results in some strange, questioning comments, which of course I do very little to clarify. I guess I like the idea of having an inside secret or a shared experience with some friends.
Maybe I am not a full participant in the social-network movement. Oh well...I mean how many more pictures of people’s dinner or posts about bowel movements do we really need? I rather read something interesting, funny, and a bit mysterious.
And we're back!
OK, so it has been nearly a year and half since I posted on this tiny blog. Life has happened in that time...changes to my world, my prospects, my, well, everything...so why not take up this blog (for real this time) and see what come out of my stream of consciousness.
Again, I have preface this newest iteration of these ruminations as just that: ruminations. This blog is intended as one person’s thoughts and commentary on ordinary, however banal, glib, or unoriginal it may be (though let’s hope not.. :)). And as I said before, I hope this blog promotes some sort of thematic or intellectual growth in me as the writer, but who really knows. Lastly, I have to say that who I am really is unimportant in this endeavor as I hope the content stands on its own (or falls on its own as it may be.) The only things that you should about me is that a) I am male, b) I am relatively young, and c) I am American.
Enjoy.
Again, I have preface this newest iteration of these ruminations as just that: ruminations. This blog is intended as one person’s thoughts and commentary on ordinary, however banal, glib, or unoriginal it may be (though let’s hope not.. :)). And as I said before, I hope this blog promotes some sort of thematic or intellectual growth in me as the writer, but who really knows. Lastly, I have to say that who I am really is unimportant in this endeavor as I hope the content stands on its own (or falls on its own as it may be.) The only things that you should about me is that a) I am male, b) I am relatively young, and c) I am American.
Enjoy.
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