Should we worry about death?

This is going to be short, though it really is a pretty deep topic...death.  At present, I am in the midst of a family time of pre-mourning.  We have a member who is in her last days of life after a long, love filled time on Earth.  This of course gets me thinking about the emotions surrounding death, with which I seem to have a bit too much experience.

So, how should we feel around death?  I feel sorrow, empathy, and fear of abandonment like any normal person, but I wonder if there is something I am missing.  I should feel a sense of relief and joy that the person who is dying is close to an end of pain and suffering, but then I get to the “what’s next?” question.  Is there something waiting for them after the last breath (which is never calm and easy in my experience) or is it a void of nothingness like Steven Hawkings suggests?  

I wonder if I should worry about damnation or nothingness?  What is more positive, the end of pain or the potential for eternal life?  Why is death the most emotionally quizzical time in anyone’s life?

As with my experiences and my current emotions, I have far more questions for you than answers...hopefully this abbreviated post helps explore these emotions outside of the end-of-life turmoil.  Best of luck to us all...

I hate being late

There is something intensely painful about being late.  Late to work, late coming home, late for a friend, all of it...every time I get a sick feeling the pit of my stomach like I have done some unspeakable ill to someone else.  However, I never real know who the someone else is...I just feel guilty and upset.

Of course, you probably know where this story is going: I am late all the time.  For the past 6 months I have had to back up my alarm so I am not so late to work.  I am never the first one to a meeting and often the last person to show up to a social event.  I can claim it is genetic (like my poor sense of direction) or that it is habitual (since I have been doing it for so many years), but really it is just a continuous problem that I should be able to overcome.

I can claim that my lateness has a distinct feature others may not enjoy: hypocrisy.  Though I am often late to others meetings and gatherings, I really dislike it when others are late on me.  It irks me, bugs me, downright pisses me off when my time is not valued.  I feel disrespected and dismissed, both of which strike me at my moral core.  Don’t waste my time...

...now if I just didn’t do that other people.  I wonder sometimes if they are able to exercise a level of equanimity and patience with my tardiness that I seem unable to summon.  Regardless, I should be more respectful of them and their time.

Now, if someone doesn’t show up at all, without a call or an email,  OMG that is some f-in BS!  Don’t get me started...  :)

(As you can tell, this post was written as I was waiting for someone to show up to our meeting that I have rescheduled 3 times, she is over 30 minutes late, and hasn’t even called....breathe...breathe...breathe.)