The government as a service, not an entity

DSCLAIMER: This is a partisan-free zone...there will be talk of politics, but not of parties...

As our government continues into yet another stretch of partisan malarkey, bickering, and ineffectiveness, I am feeling a bit reflective about the true nature of government.

According to civics class and my closely held beliefs about such things, the government should be a service for the people.  It should act in the interest of citizens, allocating money and services to improve lives, keep people safe, and work towards the best interest of the collective good...and, to quote Wayne, “Monkeys will fly out of my butt.”  I think politicians and the unwieldy fourth branch of our government, namely the bureaucracy, have perverted that ideal for personal gain and bloat.  In fact, we call our government “The Government” as if it is an entity unto itself.  We have accepted the notion that it is self-serving, imposing, and a distinct force to be reckoned with.  

Shouldn’t we re-focus our governing to that which serves us, rather than itself?  Shouldn’t it be for the people more than by the people?  Shouldn’t we feel comfortable calling it “Our Government?”  I believe it this through these ideals where those who need help can get help and those who wish to be left alone can best be left alone.

Of course, government is a human enterprise and with with all such things it is wrought with the sins each of us battle daily: Greed, Sloth, Pride, Envy...among others.  However, as I am a humanist and an optimist, I see the potential for human virtue within OUR government: Honesty, Compassion, Logic, Fairness...among others.

Where I am defeated is in the sense of being defeated.  Repeated political rhetoric in media, fruitless vitriol from pundits, and pointless political statements from friends and family who can’t see beyond their own political parties feel insurmountable.  I have interest in expending energy as such vain pursuits.

But I remain hopeful.

Should we worry about death?

This is going to be short, though it really is a pretty deep topic...death.  At present, I am in the midst of a family time of pre-mourning.  We have a member who is in her last days of life after a long, love filled time on Earth.  This of course gets me thinking about the emotions surrounding death, with which I seem to have a bit too much experience.

So, how should we feel around death?  I feel sorrow, empathy, and fear of abandonment like any normal person, but I wonder if there is something I am missing.  I should feel a sense of relief and joy that the person who is dying is close to an end of pain and suffering, but then I get to the “what’s next?” question.  Is there something waiting for them after the last breath (which is never calm and easy in my experience) or is it a void of nothingness like Steven Hawkings suggests?  

I wonder if I should worry about damnation or nothingness?  What is more positive, the end of pain or the potential for eternal life?  Why is death the most emotionally quizzical time in anyone’s life?

As with my experiences and my current emotions, I have far more questions for you than answers...hopefully this abbreviated post helps explore these emotions outside of the end-of-life turmoil.  Best of luck to us all...

I hate being late

There is something intensely painful about being late.  Late to work, late coming home, late for a friend, all of it...every time I get a sick feeling the pit of my stomach like I have done some unspeakable ill to someone else.  However, I never real know who the someone else is...I just feel guilty and upset.

Of course, you probably know where this story is going: I am late all the time.  For the past 6 months I have had to back up my alarm so I am not so late to work.  I am never the first one to a meeting and often the last person to show up to a social event.  I can claim it is genetic (like my poor sense of direction) or that it is habitual (since I have been doing it for so many years), but really it is just a continuous problem that I should be able to overcome.

I can claim that my lateness has a distinct feature others may not enjoy: hypocrisy.  Though I am often late to others meetings and gatherings, I really dislike it when others are late on me.  It irks me, bugs me, downright pisses me off when my time is not valued.  I feel disrespected and dismissed, both of which strike me at my moral core.  Don’t waste my time...

...now if I just didn’t do that other people.  I wonder sometimes if they are able to exercise a level of equanimity and patience with my tardiness that I seem unable to summon.  Regardless, I should be more respectful of them and their time.

Now, if someone doesn’t show up at all, without a call or an email,  OMG that is some f-in BS!  Don’t get me started...  :)

(As you can tell, this post was written as I was waiting for someone to show up to our meeting that I have rescheduled 3 times, she is over 30 minutes late, and hasn’t even called....breathe...breathe...breathe.)

How do you stop feeling lazy

I work a lot, but it seems to come in waves.  Right now, I am in a down crest.  I have a few things to do, but not as many as normal and I just don’t have motivation to do what needs to get done.  As a result, I just feel lazy.  It’s not as though my I don’t do anything, I just can’t seem to get over the hump to being productive.  Part of me wants to know how to fix that during down cycles, but most of me wants to know how to remove this sense of guilt of being lazy.  I truly believe I do enough to be a good employee and I shouldn’t feel guilty for these short periods of lower productivity, but alas I do.  I guess being lazy, feeling like a lazy person, and working through it is something I need to work on...if I find the energy.

Issue with unethical behavior

I am struggling with a fundamental question: how should I deal with unethical behavior?

Now, let me preface this by giving a bit of background information (though not too much as is my style).  I was recently the victim of unethical actions by my direct supervisor and, as numerous such situations do, involved money.  My supervisor twice promised me sums of money based on work I had done, then reneged on those promises without prior notice or explanation.  Of course, I made the mistake of not documenting these promises beyond my meeting notes.

In throes of these two parallel unethical situations, I find myself questioning actions I should take.  At the heart of all this is my fundamental disgust of immoral and unethical behavior juxtaposed with my sense of consequence.  I have several options in front of me: report to my supervisor’s superiors, talk to a lawyer, inform peers, write a letter of complaint to him and my HR department, amongst other things.  However, within nearly all of these is the inherent risk of damaging my future career potential by alienating a supervisor who will be on my employment applications for years to come.  Moreover, any petty attempts on my part to thwart the work I do would have direct consequences on my peers and clients, all of I which I have firm loyalty to.  I don’t think it would be fair to punish him for their actions merely because I have to deal with him wronging me.

But I keep coming back to being wronged.  I have been wronged in a bad way: by someone deliberately unethical and cowardly.  My respect for this person has plummeted and my desire to work with this person is diminished beyond repair.  This challenges my fundamental beliefs, my principles, and my values of fairness, honesty, and the indelible need of leaders to leader.

As you can see this is a fundamental internal struggle.  I have begun to talk to mentors, friends, and family members about it, but I will say none of them have satisfactory answers.  Interestingly, their answers are revealing more about them as people than this situation.  Some of them say turn the other cheek, others have laughed it off, some have said quit, others have said sabotage...and of course their are the rational people who said rest, think, and plan.

I am not sure this post has any real purpose for the reader beyond investigating fundamental ethical struggles in their own lives as I notice my writing here has turned into an exercise in catharsis more than a description of a problem or a seeking of answers.  I wonder how you would handle something like, or how you have handled things like this.  Do you side one way or the other?  Do you believe there is a safe middle ground that protects my ethics and my career...one where I can sleep at night and have a roof under which I can sleep (of course this is not a situation that is that dramatic.)

I guess I feel morally relativistic right now and that is something I don’t want.  My plans for career and professional growth are ones that focus on leadership, integrity, and clear, logical thought and I find myself struggling to reach those points in this instance.

Time to breath...thanks for listening.

Am I a good human being?

I have been thinking a bit about what is the measure of a good human being.  I am thinking about personality, morality, ethics, actions, reactions, and intentions.  And through all this I don’t know if I can call myself a good human being.  But, I won’t call myself a bad human being because I know I am not.

As I examine myself, I see someone who tries to be good.  I am someone who consciously seeks to do things that are right, just, and selfless.  But then is that the definition of good?  And as I see this and think about it, I notice that I am someone who intends to partake in actions and thoughts that are positive, but it doesn’t always happen.  Is this a personal fault or a fundamental human struggle?

If it is a personal fault, then there is area for improvement.  There are ways in which I can be a better person, ways that will move me closer to being a good human being.  I do know this to be true.  As a self-reflective (and a somewhat highly self-critical) person, I can tell you most of those area that need improvement.  My quickness to judge, my poor reactions, my times of moral or ethical weakness, and of course my relative cowardice to stand up to things I feel are wrong, but are just too much work or too laden with judgment and conflict to vehemently oppose.  And I do work to improve those areas, to make myself better, but the road is long and constant and never-ending.

Which makes me think there are some fundamental human struggles that we must all undertake as part of our journey through.  Most people, I suppose, wrestle with moral dilemmas and questions of faith in what is right and wrong all the time.  But how do others engage in those internal battles?  Are their struggles manifested externally like my own?  And of course there is the existential question of “why?”  What purpose is there in constant struggle to be a better person?  Perhaps it is to make you a better a person.  As Frederick Douglass said, “Without struggle, there is no progress.”  Yet, I question what end this means is moving towards.

Regardless of these fundamental questions, I must say that I am working and making daily progress towards being a good human being.  I believe a large number of my peers and friends are better at this than I am, but I doing alright.

I do know that if the Hindus are right and we keep returning to Earth until we get it “right,” I have at least one more trip ahead of me.  So now it’s my job to improve as much as I can while I have the opportunity of this life to live.

The crime that is pet fashion

I like dogs.  I like cats.  Rabbits are ok.  Rodents are nice when they are domesticated and not spreading disease (or living in my garage).  And fish are bit boring, but pretty.

What I do not advocate is pet fashion.  Dogs and cats do not need to be dressed up in outfits or costumes.  Let’s give them a bit more dignity folks.

This will probably be the only time I publicly agree with Jay Leno.

Sorry for the short post...more interesting fair to come.